Author: Meni Koutosimou
Psychologist – Phil to Post Graduate Mental Health Advisor
Post Graduate Degree on Psychiatry/Child Psychiatry
Doctor of Medicine at University of Ioannina
Post-Doc at University of Ioannina on Quality of Services

Translator: Vasileios Xynorodos

There is one hug for joy… the familiar one, you gave and received several times, but you also lost it because of your envy, ignorance, omission, apathy. This hug is nice in its touch, soft and gentle, full of passion.

Another hug for sadness… it is actually an anxiolytic hug, “drown” in tears, gloom, mute; it feels like a tidal wave and a desperate call to share it. It is an impulsive hug, so when you “meet” it, you shouldn’t hesitate to let yourself free… the other side knows that you had a hard time.

One hug for love… if you have love in your life, you should also learn how to keep it. Nothing is guaranteed in our life, love needs care and it’s love’s choice to stay there and can be easily lost through the routine of everyday life.

Another hug for separation… it is that farewell feeling you can’t stand. It is usually the last goodbye with no turning back. Striking as a flash, so unexpected, you can’t really guess when it will come. It accompanies you like a memory, it lives in the oblivion, you seek it in your dreams… this is where you encounter it the most of the times.

One hug for welcome… sometimes it is cordial and sometimes a typical one. I told you that none of the hugs are the same. And which would be the actual value of a hug if every single hug was just the same? And after you feel this hug, it goes to another and then to another person… you shouldn’t forget that you are not the only one invited at the “feast”.

Another hug for farewell… you have the need to recover and regain it once again. This hug will wait patiently to be given to you, so you learn to leave with its loss and experience its absence… priceless value.

One hug for contact… relaxed, gentle, hasty, scanning and sometimes even careless. Do you hug someone when you first meet? It has happened to me once -not the opposite- to receive such a hug without actually understanding why… so a hug without a cause… not forgetting to mention that most of the times it comes by with a typical kiss.

Another hug for integration… it is that hug when you are “drowned” into lovemaking. You feel its pulse, you are bound to each other and you want to stay there, in this union, in this connection, endlessly, without any other thoughts, with no excuses, eliminating the timeline, “demolishing” the moment.

One remedial hug… the moment when you really need it and deserve it. There are people that are aware and understand this need, listening to your inner voice, recognizing your desire, when you choose them to guide you… it’s up to you to grab the chance.

One childish hug… with small and not with capital letters… only “soft moves” here, without hurting, without grazing, just identificatory and expressive to you. It is a selfless hug that doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone.

And there is another hug that I don’t know “how it is done” or you could say “I haven’t learned it yet“.

What do you say?
Would you try to describe it to me?
I leave it up to you
Would you like to try it? Together?

References

Allport, G. W. (1954). The nature of prejudice. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley

Brewer, M. (1991). The social self: on being the same and different at the same time. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 17, 475-482

Gonzalez, R. and Brown, R. (2003). Generalisation of positive attitude as a function of subgroup and superordinate group identifications in intergroup contact. European Journal of Social Psychology, 33,195-214.