Author (Greek version): George Brekoulakis

Psychologist-Psychotherapist

Editor-Translator: Harriet Spala

To fall in love with your partner, over and over again: is a psychological process that begins in early childhood. The inner feeling that someone is dear to anyone begins from infancy.  The emotionally stable child carer (e.g. the father, the mother, or paid worker) can aid a child to feel love just like a parental figure raises a child emotionally and practically. The tender and empathetic care of a child and/or a teenager gives them the emotional perception that close relationships are worth it, if they are based on safety and trust. It is stated that people who during their childhood didn’t feel this tenderness and received no empathy towards their needs, might have difficulty in forming long term love relationships as adults. However these partners, who have faced emotional difficulties, unconsciously exclude love from their relationships, either by forming new ones or by ignoring their current relationship.

The ability to keep on falling in love with your partner is based upon: the emotional differentiation obtained from the family you come from. It means that you don’t depend emotionally from your father or mother, you are not afraid  you’ll lose their support or  their love, as the basic interest and the parental love are emotions that  spread within you during childhood and in your teens. Parents ought to respect their children’s love and companion choices and encourage them to be independent.

The ability to keep on falling in love with your partner is based upon: self-respect leading to the encounter and interdependence. Self-respect means that a person is independent and can stand on his/her own two feet, has clear values and beliefs, has set goals, is flexible, safe, can tolerate quarrels and is able to master his/her negative feelings (anxiety, anger, fear, sadness, guilt). Identifying and handling negative feelings allows love and interdependence and through them, a couple can maintain a long term relationship characterized by closeness. If one of the two partners however, has low self-esteem, consciously or unconsciously is unable to feel that he/she deserves the interest and love and that leads to insecurity.

Let’s see how love can develop and maintain in long term relationships:

  1. We must be able to express our individual emotional needs in our relationship. To be able to do this we must keep a friendly and open communication channel with our partner and thus explore ways to cover each other’s needs amiably
  2. We must be able to openly discuss our sex life. Taking an original approach and being creative keeps the relationship alive and healthy.
  3. Texting or e-mailing flirt messages during the day.
  4. We must be able to show our affection not only during our private moments but also in front of others.
  5. We can have a common hobby. For example Tango is a dance depicting passion. A partner dance where the dancing style is either an open embrace leaving space between the bodies, or a close embrace that connects either chest to chest or the thighs (hips). Like a “love dialogue”, the couple embraces with support and without pressure.
  6. We can focus on our partner’s positive qualities, write nice notes about them and put them in various places in our house.
  7. We can plan together our holidays without the presence of our children in order to spend more quality time together.
  8. We must be able to share our dreams and set common goals regarding our common future.
  9. In difficult times when we feel that we have reached a dead end we can turn to a therapist (marriage counselor) who specializes in couples’ problems.

Couples, who face difficulties in maintaining their love relationships, could turn for help to a therapist (marriage counselor). The therapy process can help with any problems that may have occurred in their emotional communication, it encourages the couple to work together as a team while at the same time it can focus both on their mutual affection as well as their individual needs that exist in the relationship so as to achieve a healthy balance.