Editor: Katerina Tsitoura
Philologist

Translation: Anna Athanasiou

I know, we all know that the truth is one and cannot be disputed, and that each one of us can acknowledge that the pathway to virtue demands utter honesty. Do you always express an honest opinion? What lies there concealed behind all the faked smiles, well-meaning criticism and ‘friendly’ advice that are all part of your daily social interactions? And really, who are you hiding from? The others or your own self?

Let’s first admit to our own selves, in that little dark room of self-awareness, after drawing closed the window curtains and preserving our Ego from those trying to shed light to our most private thoughts, that in the play of social hypocrisy we have performed, at times, Oscar-worthy appearances. Now, let’s ponder if that golden statuette will protect us from all the truths we’re too afraid to admit, or if it will eventually grow feet to hunt us until the moment we finally decide to face our own insecurities and stop projecting them on those around us.

  • So what we usually say, and what is what we actually mean?

While surfing the net, you stumble upon a pic of a snobbish co-worker wearing a revealing swimwear, proudly showing off her assets, and wearing a smile that practically screams ‘’ Yearly gym subscription has really paid off. Praise me people!’’:

What you say:

Look at that poor woman, desperately seeking attention. Typical case of narcissistic, personality disorder, stemming from lack of acceptance of the family environment.

What you mean:

I hate her. I so want her body, but I just can’t say no to those yummy goods. But starting on Monday, I’ll follow a diet plan. So soon, I’m gonna be the one posting photos of my fine looking abs.

  • When you learn that, that good-at-everything ex-classmate of yours got a promotion:

What you say:

Good for her! She did sacrifice all her personal life for the sake of her career, though. Psychologists claim that putting too much effort on career development may stem from deep insecurity. But I’m just saying…

What you mean:

I’m working long hours on the shittiest job ever, and she’s got the whole world at her feet. I just want to be her so bad!

  • For that friend wandering around the world with just a backpack:

What you say:

George is a good pal, but he’s sure a wierdo. He probably suffers from the Peter Pan syndrome, constantly running away from his adult responsibilities.

What you mean:

I’m so jealous of all the carefree travelers who pursue their dreams. I’m afraid to even change my daily route to work, in case the police gets notified. Or to tell the truth, if the police didn’t get notified because simply no one would care.

  • For the most charming man on the planet, that happens to be your friend’s boyfriend:

What you say:

Manos is kind of handsome, but he doesn’t seem committed in what they have. Seems to admire foreign view, if you know what I mean. Not family material.

What you mean:

I want to abduct Manos and get trapped with him in a door less room for the rest of our lives. But he won’t even look my way. Please God, get Maria a potato-shaped man, with a pumpkin-like head and a really bad sense of humor, so I don’t get green with envy, each time I see them together.

  • About the acquaintance that decided to put an end to her long-standing, tedious relationship:

What you say:

She’s 35. Did she think it through? Not many good guys out there.

What you mean:

She found the courage to break free from a stagnant relationship, while I tremble at the mere idea of losing the soon-going-bald ‘’catch’’, with the cow look and the moderate (at best) sexual appeal.

  • The gorgeous friend, who’s constantly approached by possible lovers:

What you say:

That woman is a mess. I mean…’Girl, just grow up already.’. I don’t get her at all. I really stick to my choices, and I reject everyone who makes a move on me.

What you mean:

Not even a male mosquito will look my way! I just like to play it off as being particularly selective, so you won’t understand how desperate I really am.

  • About the ex, who dumped you out of the blue, while you were reciting vows of eternal love. Oh, and you had just bought the perfect wedding gown with the savings of a lifetime:

What you say:

Oh, Manos you too here! Time seems to fly by. I had a hard time recognizing you.

What you mean:

A mile away, and I saw you on spot. After having an exhausting run, I run right to you, love of my life! We can still fix it all.

  • Or the ex who dumped you to find himself, and instead found a new girlfriend:

What you say:

I saw him on a bar with his bimbo. You know, the type of girl that usually appears on trashy TV.

What you mean:

She could totally be a Victoria Secret model. But law studies and three postgraduate programs won her over. I’m trying so hard to find a flaw. After I spat my venomous words, I’ll go crying in my room.

  • To yourself when the Universe conspires against you:

What you say:

Well, it’s me against the world. My boss is being insufferable, my colleagues hate me, my friends judge me, and my boyfriend is being indifferent about the whole thing.

What you mean:

Ok, I forgot to deliver the report to my boss on time, my colleagues heard me commenting on their really terrible sense of style, my friends got bored of hearing me talk non-stop about the existential worries that torment me in the last decade, and my boyfriend didn’t reply to the 100th text I sent him at 5 am because he was most likely sleeping at the time. Okay people, I admit it! It’s my fault.

At this point, I’ll leave you count down the days to holidays and the lies we tell ourselves, when sometime at the end of August, we claim that the summer is not over yet.

And as Groucho Marx, the great comedian used to say: “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”