Meni Koutsosimou Editor: Meni Koutsosimou
Pcyghologist- Mental Health Conselor
Masters in Social Psychiatry – Psychiatry of Children
Professor at Medical School University of Ioannina
Post-doc at Medical University of Ioannina at the Quality of Services
Translator: Elina Papadochatzaki
After a highly exigent seminar of doctor’s education – I will not tell you the specialty for apparent reasons- as far as it concerns the healing relationship, apart from other messages I also received this e-mail from one of my trainees:
“I hope that you took of the heels and those magnificent black stockings and you are sitting comfortably at the computer. Indeed, an interesting day, If you count, add, remove:
that I prefer “Lover’s Discourse” by Roland Barthes…
that the wait defines you, that actually the needs of adults (excluding hunger, thirst, sleep) sometimes they become imperative,
like the wedding rings make the neurotically fantasy more limited,
that the professional success is just a simple impulse of Sublimation,
that the short fringe that comes and goes behind small good-shapes ears can become an obsession…
Goodnight and thank you for today. Of course I will not bother. Small crimes between professionals.”
… for the definition of inspiration of Forbidden…
Goodmorning games of summer that came strong this year, too…
From the beginning of the article I suppose, you got the point.
It is like the rustle of leaves when the Wolf is not here…
From a young age we were pledged to the thing that must not happen… Even for any reason.
We were taught through fairytales and religion and we assimilated it on the way.
A trick and a hell on earth… Gift.
Hence the Forbidden Love. Eva! Here’s an apple. The rest is known to everyone, in sequels.
Why are you doing like this? Once it got forbidden and since then it has a standard value… The Forbidden (!)
As genuine descendants of the originals, the people are compelled by anything that touches the Forbidden. The more unreachable is the fruit, the more it pulls their noses, while the intimate attraction is the one they have to tame, that becomes more and more of a bigger challenge. Possibly, the red apple is at fault, tasty, and it is very hard for anyone to resist, as if it ran through the veins.
So what is your forbidden fruit?
I suppose that most of you have experienced at least a love at the same frequency. Either it is platonic or with a stamp. Hot enough to book you a first class boiler in hell, to boil in your own juice, to burn without an ending.
What is considered a Forbidden love?
It is the one that exceeds the limits and your principals. Do not be afraid. Most of all, yet you are afraid of the people around you, thus you name it forbidden and you run without stopping until you find it.
Stories full of tears filled with dirty kisses and so called prohibitions. By imagination illegal, to heat up things. You will allow me, however not to use the word love for just an one-night-stand, to fill the batteries. Usually the third person is the one that gets cheated and pretends to know nothing.
Is it worth to hurt and be hurt? Or are you excited by the idea that you took your bite from the Forbidden fruit? To enjoy something that does not belong to you. To pressure yourself, that it does not happen to you. To be discreet, to fly with gods and demons in order to resist. You think that you fell in love….
… if it did not belong somewhere else, would you feel the same?
… and if you conquer him/her, then what?
Fidelity vs infidelity, for those who wonder:
- why people choose to cheat on their partner?
- why they deceive him/her?
- why they refuse to admit the truth and to confess their action before they become perceived?
- why are they critical against infidelity, while they would gladly cheat?
The answers on the previous question vary according to theoretical approaches. Initially, the recent developments show that the gene of infidelity has been found and that results to adultery… No luck, nothing would stop him/her. The truth supposedly lies in the theory of hormones, since large stocks of testosterone are mostly responsible, at the easy and repeated adultery. With psychological interpretations, the search for understanding, respect, love and tenderness, sexual satisfaction, and also spiritual communication, consist the main point in a relationship. From a psychoanalytical point of view, it supports that both the fidelity and the infidelity are moved by the same need of finding “a port”, “a nest”. However an affair, declares bodily the lack of communication and understanding from the partner, the mental alienation, the pause of sexual contact and activity and sometimes the need of acceptance, especially at the average age of 45-55 years old.
The fascination of the forbidden works like a stimulus, while the curiosity of the unknown excites the imagination. The promising passion, the attraction and the intense sex, impulsiveness are the ingredients missing from the previous relationship and what is being sought for at the next station (?).
And somewhere on the way the statistical error of nagging and criticism is found, of lack of respect, of irony and sarcasm, of boredom, of abstinence of the sexual act, of lack of communication, of routine, of misunderstanding, of lack of mutual interests, of indifference.
Soon… Emergency exit.
The sexual pleasure remains at the top of preferences for most of the people. It cannot be pushed away and oppressed as a desire of physiological need and mental relief through alleviation, enjoyment and pleasure, as to any contrasting development, the person has more chances to “get ill”. Possibly this whole need of relief, you might meet it as exaltation, meaning the fulfillment through other ways, like creativity, hard work, social recognition and more.
Also the insecurity that someone feels even at the perspective of loneliness can lead to a sensation of the unfulfilled and by extension to adultery. In my field we know that the mentally stable people are capable to connect with only one person and to spend with him/her the rising circles of life. On the other side, a big part of “unfaithful” partners is considered unstable on the inside, while their success in any erotic adventure consists a triumph, giving them the upper hand against their partners.
Supplementary, it can be said that adultery might be an act of revenge. When you think you are not loved, you have less power to resist when the temptation approaches. As a result, the person that cheats feels refreshed, temporarily creating the illusion of fulfillment. Back on the main point, the stimulation of the ego becomes the main goal and the neglect of collateral damage becomes completely irrelevant.
At this point it is necessary to clarify that there are two kinds of adultery, one that is connected to the physical attraction, and one that it is based upon the emotional familiarity, but also their combination. The strictly sexual adultery is when someone has an affair just for the sex, and the emotional adultery appears when an emotional connection with the other person also exists. Theoretically, sexual adultery has an occasional character, unlike the emotional one that holds a more serious weight and duration.
As to whom matters the most at the way the two sexes react at the manifestation of such behavior, always theoretically speaking, for the men it is more possible to be disturbed when their partner has a sexual relationship with another man, as for the women it is more possible to be disturbed when their partner has fallen in love with another woman. Despite the sex, the pain of knowing is the same.
Anyway, which are these kind of love relationships that they choose to live as Forbidden?
- An affair with a married person… No one starts a relationship with the thought that they can win over the one or the other. It is noted, though an attitude of ambivalence, when the preference is confirmed, but even the jealousy at the outcome of rejection.
- An affair at the close social surroundings or at within a family… It concerns people that in the name of love find an alibi to hurt the others whom they know very well.
- An affair with the boss… The preference of women mostly for successful men can be generated by genitival instincts, connected by the need of ensures the healthier most possible environment for their descendants. However when someone is used as an object and the material goods as residues, they do not allow possibilities of any development, based upon internal characteristics, only mutual exploitation.
- An affair with your professor… More of the same.
And the list goes on…
The Forbidden awakens fantasies that we may have from a young age and we might not totally apprehend at that moment but many times are kept dormant. It has never crossed our minds and suddenly it is right in front of us and we want to open the door… This feeling that we all have as little children that we can conquer everything that remains shut is a mystery of sort… “What do the grown-ups do inside the bedroom? I want to know”.
Infidelity among two partners or spouses gives meaning to faith that cannot be fulfilled. Is there faith or are we all feed on illusions? Freud believed that in love we project the ideal Ego at the other person, meaning that we project at the other what we wanted to be but we are not.
Answering the questions that have been created, we meet a version of the scenario: to care for our relationship continuously and not to take anything or anyone for granted is the antidote to any development. Are you prepared to give life at your daily routine, not to give in at the boredom and the routine and to trigger your eroticism at your life? Possibly some developments may catch up to you, however it is worth to make an effort consciously and against the sirens…
Let’s get back at the beginning.
Red apples exist everywhere.
I do not know which agreement forbids you to fall in love from the moment that you wear a wedding ring.
The love does not apprehend, I think, these kinds of agreements.
However it is good to set limits.
I do not know about You, but personally speaking, I prefer these loves, platonic, and the apples at their trees. Finally, there are also other fruits that care about the apples. And if you disagree Ι request leniently the punishment of Adam, after all that seems to be his fault.
I believe only in an end, a happy one.
Of course the Wolf took his lesson…
“I would put myself in danger for you”… The voice of the Wolf is heard…
“…”
Tell the wolves I’m home…
References
Lassos. (1990). Liaisons dangereuses. Edition Agra